Welcome back to Room 5. We will be using this blog to share our writing and asking for feedback and constructive feed forward to help us improve our writing.
At the moment we are beginning to describe people we know or people we can see in photographs. We are learning to use adjectives to make our description more interesting and help you the reader picture our person from our writing.
Could you give us feedback just on the description of our characters and make some suggestions. It is really nice to get a positive comment first, then your suggestions and the reason for it.
eg: I like the way you have described how the wrinkles are like waves rolling in.
Could you explain more about the eyes. Do they look happy, sad, shiny or perhaps sparkly.
This information would help the reader get an idea about what the person is like.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Hi Room 5 Guess where I am.
Hello everyone
I'm having a great time flitting around everywhere. I've seen dolphins, whales and funny looking things with long claws but they don't have wings like me. I think they live in the water and they have a funny tail. They also have long pointy things coming off their heads - they don't look very friendly.
I have also been having a visit with some other birds. They tell me they are the Southern Falcons. Man they are cool. They chase little birds, if they catch the birds they'll eat them. I didn't think that was quite right. I thought they were just telling big stories like we sometimes did in Room 5 to make things more exciting - but I watched them Yuck.
I liked where they lived though because there were lots of little green juicy things hanging off some plants - they were yummy.
I got growled at though from the falcon for eating them so I thought it was time I moved to another place and thats when I found this really big orange thing sitting on a building. It was enormous and it had the long things coming out of its head and it had a long tail that ended with a square shape. It doesn't have feathers so it can't be a bird.
I heard some people talking and I remember one of the words because its one Whaea Jeanne used sometimes. It was kai. So I don't know if that will help you work out where I have been.
I'm having a great time flitting around everywhere. I've seen dolphins, whales and funny looking things with long claws but they don't have wings like me. I think they live in the water and they have a funny tail. They also have long pointy things coming off their heads - they don't look very friendly.
I have also been having a visit with some other birds. They tell me they are the Southern Falcons. Man they are cool. They chase little birds, if they catch the birds they'll eat them. I didn't think that was quite right. I thought they were just telling big stories like we sometimes did in Room 5 to make things more exciting - but I watched them Yuck.
I liked where they lived though because there were lots of little green juicy things hanging off some plants - they were yummy.
I got growled at though from the falcon for eating them so I thought it was time I moved to another place and thats when I found this really big orange thing sitting on a building. It was enormous and it had the long things coming out of its head and it had a long tail that ended with a square shape. It doesn't have feathers so it can't be a bird.
I heard some people talking and I remember one of the words because its one Whaea Jeanne used sometimes. It was kai. So I don't know if that will help you work out where I have been.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Kataeya
Great fairytale Kataeya! I want to know what type of spell the witch put on the baby? And why did she do that? Is it a nice spell, or nasty?
Allure
I really liked the way that you had a problem in your story and a solution - you discovered who had been sending your presents to you. Why was your Dad in the forest?
Hello From Australia
Hi Allure,
My name is Mrs Ersch. I am a teacher from Melbourne, Australia. I teach Grade Preps.
I read your "Deep Down I Knew ..." story and thought it was great. I liked the way you used dark print to make it interesting for the reader.
Keep up the good work.
From, Mrs Ersch
My name is Mrs Ersch. I am a teacher from Melbourne, Australia. I teach Grade Preps.
I read your "Deep Down I Knew ..." story and thought it was great. I liked the way you used dark print to make it interesting for the reader.
Keep up the good work.
From, Mrs Ersch
Sarah-Jane
Wow, what neat birthday presents. Am looking forward to hearing more about what adventures your pony and tamagochi are about to have.
Oliver
Wow Oliver, you knew you were a rock star deep down. That is awsome I have always wanted to know a real rock star. It took me a little while to read your story... maybe a different font will make it easier for all your fans to follow your success. I can't wait to find out about the instruments you play and the places you have preformed.
Look forward to reading your story
#1 Fan
Look forward to reading your story
#1 Fan
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)